...Some of his friends are beginning to use smartphones, play online games, and get social media accounts. You don’t know what to do. You know your kid, and you’re not quite sure if he’s ready for this responsibility and inevitable drama. However, you’re also aware that these new freedoms are the way your teen will cultivate and preserve friendships in the digital age. How much access should you allow, and what experiences do you want your child to have? You don’t want him to feel left out, but you also want to ensure that he can stay safe. As kids become more independent, an entirely new online community opens up to them — which is both in and out of their control.
In this scenario, your child is entering the digital world and using his own device to text friends, comment on or post YouTube videos, play online games, start social media accounts, create an online presence, and participate in community boards and conversations.
Navigating Safety and Independence
How to have a prepare your kid for the nuances and dangers of digital world, so they can embrace it, safely.
Your Child Is in Middle School...
Your kid is excited for their online freedom, but they should be aware of the threats
Flip cards for a solution
There are people who use technology to send, post, or share mean or harmful content on social media, YouTube, or anywhere — often anonymously and without accountability.
Have ongoing discussions with your children about what types of communication — online and in real life — are acceptable. Create an environment that encourages open discussion about bullying. Most apps and service providers have tools for reporting bullying messages. Teach your child to document inappropriate conversations, report them to an adult, and then block the bully.
Online, there could be someone with bad intentions who wants to harm, threaten, or exploit your child.
Learn how predators operate (the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children has some good resources). Then, teach your children about catfishing and how to identify signs of a predator (which can include fake social media profiles).Make sure your children know to cease contact immediately (and seek help from a trusted adult) if someone is behaving inappropriately with them online or in person.
You notice that your kid keeps asking for money to “upgrade his armor” or pay someone online for a “cheat code.”
Ask your child, “Do you know these people?” and “Have you met them in person?” Make sure your kids are not giving away money to strangers or catfishers.
Kids can feel like other people’s lives are more interesting or important and not understand that everyone posts the “highlights.”
Explain to your child that social media can make life seem more fun or exciting than it really is. Most people don’t post about experiences that are boring or unpleasant, but those experiences still take place — for all of us — every day.
Kids can feel like other people’s lives are more interesting or important and not understand that everyone posts the “highlights.”
According to the CDC, kids between the ages of 11 and 14 spend almost nine hours a day in front of a screen consuming entertainment media. (Source) That comprises over HALF their day. Have a conversation with your kids about what they think they need in order to stay connected — and how to turn off technology when they begin to feel burnt out.
It’s very easy for things to “blow up” online or over text messages. Learn more
In-person and verbal conversations provide ways to help understand what someone is saying (through facial expressions, tone of voice, laughter, etc.) — along with immediate opportunities to respond, rephrase, or better explain an idea. But it can be difficult to identify intention and tone in text messages, leading to misunderstandings. Help your kids learn to recognize these moments and address them in person whenever possible.
Now... Let's Talk
Let’s talk about setting Family Rules
- Stipulate when devices can be used, for how long, what can be posted, what you don't want to be posted, what apps can be used, and what needs to wait.
- When it comes to spending money using a device, don’t just hand them your credit card and let your kids spend without permission. Consider a digital allowance. Scammers often try to trick kids into giving up their parents’ financial information. Make sure your kids don’t have easy access to your credit and debit cards, and make it clear that they must always talk to you first before using them.
Let’s talk about keep the conversation going.
Help your children understand:
- How to spot predators and trolls — including what to look out for, red flags, which people are safe to talk to, whom not to engage with, and when your kids should go to a trusted adult for help.
- What personal information (theirs or yours) your child should never share online (addresses, phone numbers, Social Security numbers, door codes, inappropriate photos of themselves or others, photos of your home that might help a predator find them in real life, etc.).
- Online presence: Remind them that what's online lives forever.
- How they feel online: Pay attention to what they’re passionate about, and talk through your concerns about overuse. Remember that apps are designed to make you stay online.
- Look for warning signs of cyberbullying; this could include your child’s withdrawal from social activities, declining grades, or exhibiting fear when receiving a text. Don’t wait for your child to tell you that they’re being bullied online. Check in early and often.
- Social Comparisons: People present themselves online in ways that may be over the top (Pew Research). Keep in mind that some kids say social media makes them feel "more confident" but it can also make kids feel excluded, confused, or "less than." Talk to your children to understand how they’re feeling around these issues.
Let’s talk about teaching strategies for navigating the everyday conflict
Take a break, take a breath, and talk it out in person. Just noticing clues like their physiological fight-or-flight response (such as gripping the phone tightly, or holding their breath) can signify that your child shouldn't be texting right now! (This is also good advice for adults…)
Let’s talk about giving them tools and resources
- Research therapists, hotlines, and other offline support to have on hand if needed.
- Offer apps (such as Headspace, Calm, etc.) to help your kids deal with sensory overload or negative feelings.
- Block malicious sites and monitor screen time with the Aura app so that your kids don’t accidentally end up in the wrong place or surf past your agreed-upon limit.
- Teach your kids to use strong passwords. Avoid simple passwords like birthdays and pet names. Aura’s password manager tool can create complex passwords and securely store them for the whole family.
- Update software regularly. Hackers use security vulnerabilities in outdated software to install malware. Outdated software may also render your parental controls useless. Be sure to keep all your family’s devices and software up to date.
.svg){kind=icon}
